Forgive

Cate Stillman
Cate Stillman
You are my other me.
What I do onto you,
I do onto myself.
— THE MAYAN MORAL CODE: LAK’ECH ALA K’IN

Forgive all trespasses against thee. Hold no grudge. Unchain your heart. Free your mind. The sooner the better.

Forgiveness is a habit.

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Unsurprisingly, the forgiveness habit is an indicator of regenerative health. Karen Swartz, M.D., who directs the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at Johns Hopkins University, states:

There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed. 
Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions.  

 

Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.

Forgiveness kicks in the loop that creates transformational change.
No forgiveness; no transformation.

FORGIVE TO EVOLVE
Forgiveness requires a conscious effort. It does not occur without intention.

The action is: deliberately letting go of resentment towards the person who wronged you. You forgive whether the other is deserving or undeserving. This includes forgiving yourself. No vengeance on yourself, either.

What happens if I forgive the transgression?
Against myself? Against thee?
The load lightens.
The heart relaxes physically.
The body exhales.
Forgiveness is an act.
The act can become your habit.

As you release, you rewire your feelings from resentment to compassion, anger to empathy, and sometimes even hostility to affection. How?
Processing forgiveness generates feedback. The feedback is the next essential propeller for the loop to become transformational. Integrating the feedback is the third step.

The rapprochement part is where feedback is allowed to be received, … a bow of the ego, which in the very act itself generates a particular revelation related to a specific circumstance.

No one wants to be in a disrespectful relationship, including you with yourself. In the habit of self-forgiveness you churn self-disdain into a modicum of self-respect.

Forgiveness towards yourself and everyone else follows the same path:

  1. You notice you are holding a grudge
  2. You pause to consider the root of the grudge
  3. This requires overcoming emotions and abandoning resentment. Good for you!
  4. You have a revelation, a crack of insight, a change of heart
  5. You feel the feedback benefit
  6. You achieve rapprochement, in communication and in community
  7. You feel the magic of forgiveness
  8. The feedback upcycles as a lesson learned, rewiring the entire experience as a positive stressor
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You understand human nature more honestly from forgiving, which propels you to explore next-level connections, experiences, and growth.

Forgive our idiocies, and even our past ideologies. Release ideologies by evolving original thought, so that true acts of forgiveness become possible. You realign what you put your heart behind based on lessons learned. Forgiveness, including self-forgiveness, is never the path of complacency.

If you remember an event in your past in negative, painful terms, look for unresolved judgments. Forgiveness is a slow, deep, layered process. You may find that, beneath one layer of pain and resentment, there is another, deeper and harder to grasp. Keep going, it’s worth it. It’s a kind of archeology. It may be a lifetime’s work, but have you got anything better to do? Do you know of anything else that will bring the same kind of freedom, joy and increased vitality? I don’t.

How about when rapprochement or reconciliation is impossible? Can you resolve your grudge without resolving the issue with the other?

The answer is yes, forgiveness is still possible, when you find peace with the mystery of the experience. A problem shared is a problem half solved. And that, too, is enough for the feedback to upcycle you; it’s better to be at peace than to hold onto a pattern.

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Consider this: if you do not actively forgive, you generate an enemy in your mind. This can knock you off your chosen path. If you do not thoroughly forgive, you do not fully heal.

To forgive, study rapprochement.

RAPPROCHEMENT
From French, rapprocher, combining “re-” (expressing intensive force) with “approcher” (to approach).

That is precisely how every feedback-resolution cycle feels. In the hot pursuit of resolution, rapprochement requires an intensive force (real, determined effort) to approach and express yourself. Expressing requires accurate words combined with accurate feelings. Fake the funk doesn’t work for forgiveness.

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Rapprochement is a process of replacing destructive responses with constructive actions.

Disrespect must be churned into respect.
Pride into humility.
Grievance into grace.

Willingness to change and behave differently in the future is often required for true acceptance, for the relationship to move forward.

We grow through feedback.

Good parents have strong feedback loops for both positive and negative behaviors. The same is true for good trainers and leaders of all kinds. Practice feedback loops and forgiveness cycles with humbleness and honesty. Notice what changes. Grudges are outgrown. The atmosphere amplifies with the connection.

Rapprochement kindles the evolution of your relationships.
Forgiveness rekindles the value.


FORGIVENESS AS A HABIT
Perhaps it looks something like this: You decide to forgive. Unequivocally, you decide to process each and all transgressions. Even your transgressions against yourself. You entertain a conscious change of heart to digest and dissolve emotional pain into inner resolution.

You build the habit of processing transgressions and trespasses. In real time.

You see the benefit of the doubt. You extend to yourself the benefit of the doubt, as you extend it to others. You flex the habit of releasing others. In doing so, you release yourself, because there never really was any separation.

You reflect. You learn. You truly forgive.

Does this resonate with you?

✔️ You wish you had more time to unplug and realign your life to your next ideal schedule, next purpose, next habits, next reality
✔️ You want powerful, growth-focused relationships
✔️ You’re reconsidering your job, your partnership, your career or your company
✔️ You’re ready to have a strategic approach to making bigger things happen in the world
You want to stretch to become someone you haven’t been before
✔️ You know you need to invest to hang with A players from diverse backgrounds, who are already thriving, and know how to mastermind. 
✔️ You want to experience a higher order that comes from next level integrity with your investments, your time, your focus, your habits. 
You want to  leverage your assets and unique genius to design your future
✔️ You want the skills, tools, and structures to reach goals with the people in your life (partners, teams, family)

You’re a perfect fit for Club Thrive. We’ll be waiting for you. We’re in this together. 

Cate Stillman & the Community at ClubThrive.Global

Check out her Self Healer playlists

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